Self Destruction
by Dark Fate
Summary: Riku is on the verge of turning himself over to the darkness for Sora’s sake. However, nothing is ever so clear cut. SPOILERS. Possible RxS.


Title: Self Destruction

Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I wouldn't be sitting here writing fanfiction for no profit, now would I?

Author's Notes: Honestly, this is the first piece of KH fanfiction I've ever written, and it's the first time I've tried first person from a sorrowful perspective. Not really the greatest equation for a good fic, but eh.

Summary: Riku is on the verge of turning himself over to the darkness for Sora's sake. However, nothing is ever so clear cut. SPOILERS. Possible RxS.

* * *

I wonder sometimes if this is all I'm for. The darkness swirled around me, but I couldn't see it. Not with my eyes, anyway. I suppose that's really what the blindfold was for. I'd really like to believe that it's there for some sort of noble purpose, but perhaps it's more selfish than that. I don't want to know that I'm submersed in the essence of pitch.

Heh. It was stupid, really. Blocking my sight didn't do anything for it. I can feel it. Hell, I can still see it. Seems I really don't need my eyes to see anymore. Pity. For a while, I could almost pretend I was home again.

Of course, even if I could go home, I wouldn't. I've betrayed them all. I let my concern for Kairi cloud my judgment, let Maleficient prey on my weak will. Maybe it was a good reason. Maybe it wasn't. Doesn't matter. I still caused them both pain. Sora and Kairi.

Now, I have to repay my debt. Kairi's safe, but Sora isn't. He needs his memories back. He needs to awaken, and I've failed him again by having lost to Roxas. It wouldn't happen again. This time, I would win. The price would be heavy, but it couldn't even begin to amount to the pain I'd caused.

I lifted the blindfold from my eyes. The flimsy strip of cloth hadn't been a help at all. I could see my face reflected in the swirling obsidian. Maybe it'd be the last time I'd ever see it. Maybe I didn't care.

_Yes, this is the one that betrayed. These are the hands that carried out the deed. These are the eyes that should have cared but destroyed instead._

Thoughts flew by faster than I could pin them down with words, and I lashed out at my reflection, filled with a self loathing deeper than I'd ever experienced before. Once again, my actions didn't have any effect. The mirror image rippled for a few moments before settling back once again.

The razored talons of rage left me feeling hollow, empty. This was a good feeling. It was the only one I could really indulge in. It wouldn't last long. It never did. With it always came sorrow to well up in its place. Of course, none of that mattered.

A sigh left me unbidden. I was stalling. My pitiful existence really wasn't something to cling to, really, but there was always a chance that I was about to screw up. Again.

_Enough. You _owe_ him this._

Yes, I did. I owed Sora more than this. I owed him my entire being for what I'd done to him. I had messed everything up, and now it was time that I fixed it.

Almost as though they had a will of their own, my hands brought the blindfold back up and tied it in place. I held onto that last hazy image of myself as I allowed the darkness in.

Burning… It felt like my skin was on fire. I thrashed and shrieked to no avail. No matter how much I writhed or screamed, the anguish seemed endless.

_Oh God! Make it stop!_

As I reached the very precipice of madness, a trickle of cool air radiated from the center of my body. It stretched from my heart to the tips of my nerves, soothing away all the agony, and in its wake came more power than I ever could have imagined.

The feeing became intoxicating. My senses wavered, everything spun, as I drank in the raw power. In that moment, nothing mattered more than taking in as much energy as I could. Yes, after this, there was no doubt that I could take Roxas.

_Wait…. Why?_

I couldn't remember why. Why did I need to beat Roxas? Who was I? A jolt of alarm shot through my body, chasing away the pleasant haze of power, and in that instant, I understood. The darkness was trying to take my memories.

Clawing my way out of the darkness, I could feel the other personality rise up in me, that foul thing that Sora had worked so hard to eliminate. Ansem.

_I'm _Riku_, damn it! Not Ansem!_

With a flex of my will, my new abilities carried me to Roxas. When my feet touched the ground, I could think straight. Still, Ansem lingered on the edges of my consciousness like a fetid odor.

This is the price you pay for power. Fight him and be done with it.

That thought firmly ingrained itself in me as I launched myself into battle.

_I _owe_ him this._

Fin

A/N: So, good, mediocre, or just plain ugly?


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